2021
Using an Emotions Wheel
I know you might be thinking, “What in the world is a Feelings Wheel, and what makes it practical for my everyday
life?” A Feelings Wheel is a tool used to help recognize and communicate feelings. Although it may seem a bit extra, a Feelings Wheel is a way to work smarter, not harder with teenagers when identifying and managing emotions. To get a better picture, a Feelings Wheel is a circle that at the center has “core” or basic emotions (emotions that are more easily identified or expressed) and “secondary” or more complex emotions on the outer edge.
So, what’s the point? The more specific your student can be in labeling their emotions, the more understanding you will have for them and they will have for themselves. My go-to feeling when I was a teen was “frustrated.” It was my answer when I was hurt, anxious, insecure, disappointed, or powerless. But really, it was my answer to explain my negativity without having to be vulnerable. Aren’t those other secondary emotions more honest and accurate though? A Feelings Wheel allows us to open up instead of hiding behind what is the easy or standard answer. Increased relief comes with increased specificity in identifying our emotions and empathizing with them.
Core emotions can be seen as the eight-pack of crayons and secondary emotions are the 64-pack. The eight-pack gets you by with the necessities, while the 64-pack can be a blend of multiple emotions that provide a more specific label
(for example, yellow vs. macaroni). Core emotions are happiness, sadness, disgust, fear, surprise, and anger. Secondary emotions encompass any other emotion. With a Feelings Wheel, the core emotions are at the center of the circle—which is the easiest place to start. After choosing the most accurate core emotion, you can use your finger to identify the more specific emotions that you connect with on the outer edges of the circle. These more specific emotions are what you can explain to others so that they have a deeper understanding of what you are experiencing. That’s a way better than the “frustrated” answer, right?
Not only is it helpful for others to understand what is going on inside of us, it is helpful for us to know what is going on inside of ourselves. When we identify our feelings specifically, we are able to learn how to respond and take care of those emotions more accurately.
So, what can this look like for your family? Here are a few ideas to use the Feelings Wheel:
- Practice often. Add the Feelings Wheel to conversations about the highs and lows of each person’s day with the whole family at dinner or in the car. This allows greater insight into what your teenager’s day has been like as well as normalizes talking about real emotions instead of using just the easy or go-to answer. When you participate in using a Feelings Wheel, you are modeling appropriate ways to process and communicate emotions as well as giving them an opportunity to share without feeling targeted or in the spotlight.
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This might be a good opportunity to have a one-on-one conversation and help bring light to the shift. Use the feelings wheel to help them identify the emotions they are feeling in that moment. Typically, when we hold our emotions in, they eventually explode. Being able to talk prior to an explosion can be preventative by allowing them to take care of their emotions before they are forced to. Emotions demand to be felt. You can choose when to take care of them, or they will choose for you.
- Use it during a shutdown. Your teenager might not be the “blow up” type, but that doesn’t mean all is well inside. If your student seems more quiet or isolated, it can be helpful for you to pursue them and check-in. Referencing the Feelings Wheel can help them see what they may be experiencing and is a beginning to understanding it better. Sometimes they might not even realize what is going on inside of them until they are given the words, especially since there may be situations in which some feelings and expressions of those feelings seem similar to one another.
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Empathize. We all respond to situations differently, and our emotional response is no exception. By being specific in how we use our emotions, we can pinpoint a common shared experience that will us to understand what each other may be feeling. Empathizing with where they are allows them to feel accepted even if you do not agree. (That is a conversation for another time!)
Again, this may seem like a completely different shift from your family’s norm and may be a little awkward at first. But can you imagine what it would be like for your family to have the freedom to communicate to each other how you are actually doing? This could be a brand new avenue for each person in the family to not only be able to understand each other, but to know how to take care of each other as well. This could continue to make your home the safe haven everyone runs to, the best part being that everyone becomes involved in making it happen.
Use it before the breakdown. Your teenager might go through seasons when they are more sensitive or on edge.
Download the Feelings Wheel Here:
2020
Go Forth and Love
This Advent devotional is written by Emily, one of GUMY’s adult leaders.
Love.
Such a simple word with such great meaning. It is something we are taught before our first conscious thoughts as our parents and relatives exclaimed it to us as newborns. We are taught love from God as children with the “Jesus loves me, this I know” song. It’s easy to tell friends you love them and it becomes a big deal to say it to a significant other.
Love is the greatest gift we have been given as told in 1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV: “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest is love.”
With this great gift of love, God asks us two things: love God and love your neighbor. It sounds like a very simple and easy request. In some cases, it is easy. It’s easy to love your family, your friends, people that hold the door for you, your favorite teacher, etc.
Yet in some ways, this simple request seems as if it’s on the other side of a mountain. How do you love the person who cut you off in traffic or the one who was rude to you at the grocery store or the one who seems to thrive off of being malicious to others?
We had a GUMY lesson a couple weeks ago prepared by one of our adult leaders and when the scripture was read, my thought was “That’s it. That’s the answer.” In Colossians 3:12-14 NIV, it says “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
As I’ve grown older and learned more about the world and about people, I have tried to live out each of those words. I have tried to learn and live out empathy. What a comfort it is when you see a Bible verse, unknown to you, that explicitly states how you try to live your life. I refer to moments like these as “God things”.
These words are how I try to love my neighbor when it is difficult. By showing kindness, compassion and patience when some may say they don’t deserve it. By showing gentleness and empathy and attempting to learn more about their life experiences that would cause them to act in a not so loving way.
Now to bring this beautiful concept back to our little corner of the world, where do I see our students show love? The short answer is everywhere.
I see it when they show up eager to do mission work. Whether its something as simple as raking and picking up leaves, something as big as replacing some rotten wooden boards, or something as monotonous as painting and more painting. Their willingness and excitement to serve others shines from within them. That’s love.
I see it when they show up to GUMY nights, even when it’s another Zoom call after a day of Zoom calls. When they show up ready to hear a lesson and participate in discussion. I see it when they talk about their experiences and what God means to them and their experience with God. That’s love.
I see it when they show a resilience and as positive of an attitude they can have in this year of unknowns. So much has been taken from them, we are living in a time of civil unrest and an intense political climate along with the probability of change hanging in the air. None of this makes it easy right now. I also see it when they are willing to be honest with themselves and
others by saying “this really sucks” and being candid about their feelings. I see it when they take things day by day, doing their best with what they have. That’s love.
I see it when they join in conversation with their peers or adult leaders or just others in general. I see it when they are willing to listen, empathize and try to understand others. I see it when they celebrate not only their successes, but their loved ones successes as well. That’s love.
And most especially, I see it when they are just being themselves. When they give themselves the kindness and grace they deserve. When they are just doing what they love to do and enjoying every moment of it. When they are living out our church and GUMY mission of loving God, living like Jesus and serving the world. That’s love.
That’s love. It’s all of the big things and so much of all the little things. Go forth and love.
2020
What Joy Means to Me
This blog is written by one of our amazing students, Olivia. Give it a read and grow in joy!
When you google “joy” you get the basic definition stating that joy is “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.” This of course is not incorrect, but I’ve learned that joy is more about expressing God’s greatness. Knowing that He is constantly by your side and making sure your glass is half-full is such an amazing feeling!
I was so excited when Jeff asked me to write a blog for this week. Especially about joy! As our favorite places shut down, family events get canceled and loved ones get sick, it’s hard to feel joyful. For me, joy is all about the small moments in life. This dreadful year has helped me a ton with focusing on the little things.
So many things come to mind when I think of joy. My family, friends, softball, the outdoors, Christmas time…I could go on for days. In my opinion, you can find joy no matter where you are or what you’re doing. Of course it can be difficult, but that’s when you look to God for help. “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” John 15:11. He wants us to feel joyful!
As I mentioned earlier, I have been focusing on finding joy in the little things. Whether it’s playing board games with my family, exercising or going on socially distanced coffee dates with my best friend. I know that this difficult time will pass, but for now I’m going to enjoy the moments I can. I get that powerful joy feeling when I’m around the people and things that I love. To me, joy and love go hand in hand!
I recently read a book called When God Winks. The author talks all about how the coincidences we experience in life are actually God’s way of letting us know he’s looking out for us. When I’m feeling down, it’s hard for me to find a way out of my bad mood. Then all of a sudden here comes God with all this joy to give. Whether he’s sending a family member to check in on me, or bringing the sun out from behind the clouds, He’s leading me to find joy.
This advent season I request that you find joy in all places! Remember that it is God’s gift to you. Enjoying those small moments while you’re stuck at home can make for many joyful memories. Lookout for the “Godwinks” when you think everything is going wrong and keep joy in your heart!