It’s my three-week surgiversary, and I can safely say it has been unlike any experience I have ever had in my life. Sometimes old dogs have to learn new tricks whether they ever thought they needed to or not. I’ve tried to share that with Bud and the cats but they are even less amenable to adapting to new life situations than the head of their household (that would be me, as I keep reminding them).
I’m thinking a Top 10 list of surgi-learnings are in order (a la Dave Letterman – google him as needed).
Number 10: Anesthesia is an interesting experience – allegedly as I came back to the conscious world I quite directly and firmly insisted anyone coming in the room give me a hug. I’m a bit of a hugger after church on Sundays, but it’s more of an invitational spirit – not so much post-anesthetic, evidently. Don’t tell the Safe and Sacred Spaces personnel at the Conference. I think demanding hugs is frowned upon there.
Number 9: Surgical nurses are fantastic but don’t always appreciate the humor of the person being prepared for said surgery. Anesthesia Assistants, however, will laugh at bad humor with the best of us. Hmmm, not sure how I feel about that right now.
Number 8: Sharing with the surgeon that if she’s going to take a bunch of stuff out, she better be putting other stuff in that the patient would like to have or the bill might not get paid, doesn’t really work. I wanted the ability to speak 3 languages fluently: Spanish, German, and French; and I wanted to be able to play the French Horn. None of that happened and yet I’m still being held financially responsible.
Number 7: Great nurses are unbelievable gifts and are willing to cheer with you the odd success of random bodily functions required before you can leave the hospital. Thank you, Nurse Katie – that fist bump will remain one of my favorites.
Number 6: Moms and sisters make the best comfort food casseroles, can be a little bossy even when the family member for whom they are caring is rather stubborn, and find it endlessly hilarious to ask you if you have things like corn starch, sugar, (more than the sugar packets you have collected over the years) and other various weirdly named things that evidently “normal” people have in their pantries.
Number 5: You cannot will yourself to be better physically than you are, no matter how assertive, hard-headed, and used to being in charge you are.
Number 4: Trying to read when you start to feel better but your brain is still not really functioning is frustrating.
Number 3: Three days after surgery is not the best time to make decisions about your career, the deep meaning and purpose of your life, the relative importance of owning a home vs. selling and living in an RV, or adopting another rescue dog and maybe another couple of cats. None of that has taken place.
Number 2: Daytime TV? Just say no. Although two of the five times I’ve watched the last 15 minutes of the Price is Right, my bid at the Showcase Showdown was closer than the ultimate winner, just sayin’.
Number 1 Surgi-learning: My experience of the medical personnel at the Women’s Clinic of Johnson County, Olathe Medical Center, the Surgeon and my Primary Care Physician who referred me will have my humble gratefulness for all time. As will our Pastors and all the Staff and the Congregation at Grace for your care, your prayers, your patience, and your well-wishes. I’ll be back in the thick of ministry with all of you in about 10 days! Wahooooo!